I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
