It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Every concussion has its silver lining
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
