Cold hands, warm shart.
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
