the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
