I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
