he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
