i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize