think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
