I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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