He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
