...so i touched it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize