it glows. i had to have it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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