Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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