i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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