): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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