he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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