Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
