I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
