He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
