I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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