You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
