After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
