I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's blow job season.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
