By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize