We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
