he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
