she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
