My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
