I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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