I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
