Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
