Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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