Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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