She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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