the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Don't tell me you're on acid again
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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