In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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