literally had 100 drinks last night.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
