I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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