Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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