Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
