I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
