Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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