so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
