she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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