And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
