I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
