It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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