How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize