Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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