I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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