Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
