I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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