I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
