i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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