I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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