Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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