Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
