New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize