I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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