he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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