I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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