no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
