Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize