It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
