Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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