I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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