i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
