dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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