Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
