Who wears a wallet chain?!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
