I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
