i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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