The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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