You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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