The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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