Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
