"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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