did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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