You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
