I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
