There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
