Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
