her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
