I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
