i don't like sucking hair
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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