Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
