saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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