i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
