So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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