i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
