A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
