I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
