Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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