I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
