This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
