I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
