What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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