U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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