Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
