i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
