I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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