I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
