we have officially lost it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
