Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
